The Lazy Purple TF2-nimal Wiki
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Lead Researchers[]

  • Professor Scoots
  • Dr. Strips
  • Cave Johnson
  • Dr. Swaine
  • Dr. Kate

Lead Explorers[]

  • Lara Croft
  • Indiana Jones

Introduction[]

Me and the boys found an uncharted island out near the Bermuda Triangle. Gonna be hard to, y'know, GET there, but I could

372505c3d37df25dd8b2c2daa4da18cd

go fetch that teleportation device I bought off eBay last week. Oh, and we sent some scouts, and they found this. Says there's tons of it. Well, I'm excited! Mysterious Bermuda rainbow rock island! Let's go.

Update One[]

We arrived! I found this weird safe during the journey, too. Took it with us. We set up shop here, Outpost #1. No lifeforms as of yet, except a strange injured man in red armor. He's in a coma. Anyway, we're going to go camping. Found a forest with my glasses of tactical zooming. 

Update Two[]

So we've ventured into the forest. Not much too see. A lot of scrap metal laying around, along with crashed planes. There were a few squirrels hopping around, they were wielding rocket launchers. 

We found a good spot next to a crashed Messerschmitt Me 265, lots of grass. We also had a clear view of a Sarlaac pit overhead. I'm going to set up the tents with Strips and Kate. Brb

Okay, back. We've set up a fire. Cooking some bacon. Strips, as he is part bacon, is upset, but he still consumes.

Update Three[]

I woke up and checked my camera. Found these. I don't remember anything about them. I'm concerned with some of them.

Update Four[]

Those photos last night...really weirded me out. I've been staying indoors, and gave up my LSD addiction. Not really, though. Anyway, I went exploring by myself. Nothing really interesting. But, I think this island has been inhabited. There's...sewer systems here. No one knows why. Roads, sunken boats, etc. And that guy in the red armor....Also, I found a big ass temple. It looked really...PS2-ish. There were skeletons everywhere, which has probably just proved my theory of lifeforms living here in the past. Or present. There was an entrance to another room, with sign that said "library" on it. Went in, there's a table with some...goodies. Some weird ass plate, it's like glass, but it's...purple. And when you look at it a certain way, purple and black checkers. Some stacks of cash, they're from Germany.

There was also...the helmet of a Combine soldier. It looked like was made of Hunter skin. That scared me. That really, really scared me. The Foundation drove most of them off Earth, but there's been reports of them being on Trumpus 3 as well as in sewer systems on Earth. If an entire island...But it was probably years old. Also found some old Combine posters, looked vintage. I was still paranoid. I took them all, except for the posters. Would be nasty to remove artifacts from their homes without reason, in my opinion. The bookcases were...weird. They were blue and white, again, they looked like they came out of a PS2 game. I pulled out a book and kept going.  Walked up a stair case. There was another room.

Inside, it was really dark and green. Looked like a server room. I turned on my flashlight and wandered around. Nothing of interest, just giant green presumed servers. Then I found what looked like to be a console. I checked it. Sure enough, Combine text. I had memorized that from my time in the Over watch army. I hacked into a security camera feed for lulz. Freaking, Adolf Hitler, the Red Skull, the Combine, more of those guys who were dead on the mattress skeleton in that one photo, Big Smoke, and that damn faceless guy. There were two more of him! I was too freaking ecstatic to hear anything they were talking about, but after I calmed down I heard that they were talking about..."turf" and land. It was like a meeting. Some of them wanted more "space", some of them wanted more supplies, food, ammo, water, etc.From what I've gathered, this island's inhabitants are split into factions. Thin dudes, big mask dudes, and Combines.

Then those things...They moved their head. They were staring at the camera. They were staring at me. Then two of them disappeared. Bastards were right beside me. They messed up my camera. I ran. I didn't even think, when I saw the taller one my brain told me to RUN THE HELL AWAY

And so I did. Jumped off a ledge, too. Pretty sure I broke something. Coughed up blood. I still crawled away. Dragged myself beside a tree, fell asleep there. Woke up, I could feel my legs again. Walked over back to base. Couldn't remember a thing. When I got back and looked in my backpack and saw the stuff, I remembered it all. I'll upload the pictures from my camera soon.

Update Five[]

The lab results came back. Those rainbow rocks are an entirely new mineral, unique to this island. It's literally no where else.

I'm hesitant to start mining it. Started

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They sent us another one. Bigger sample.

reading the book. It talks of an old, mystic God from another realm. It came to this planet, and populated it with his species. He's called Gorr'Rylaehotep. Can't understand half of it, it's literally written in multiple languages. Arabic, Russian, German, ancient Egyptian, etc.


Update Six[]

I can't sleep. It's been two days since the library incident. I haven't told anybody. I don't even think I want to release this article to the public. I would have to redact the shit out of it.

I've been having nightmares. So many nightmares, I ca

Observer

What does this mean?

n't sleep. But there's something in common with them all. They all end with me dying, and this symbol. Sometimes the tall man appears. He usually just watches from far away. It's also always me in the darkness. A room of...darkness. Everything is pitch black, you can't see the walls or the floor or the ceiling. There's also this whispering sound, creeps the hell outta me. UPDATE: I've been surfing the web on my free time, I found this

Video_Diary_3

Video Diary 3

video. Its the exact same whispering I've been hearing. 

I'm scared. Edit: Oh, and Scoot Labs is making some paper that can print YouTube videos on it. So we can print this.

Right?

Update Seven[]

The team discovered a new species of fish on this island. I call it; the Ichthyosaur. Basically a big ass shark thing. It ate one of our

C2A3ICKY (1)

Some jackass make this for it. Apparently, he suffers from a mental illness where everything he writes is blurred. He's fired.

researchers when he decided to jack off in the pool.  Oh, and we discovered an underground bunker. Looked like a research lab. According to some documents, it's owned by an "Umbrella Corporation". It self destructed few hours

G-Virus

The G-Virus. There were some test subjects still alive that this was used on. Let's just say this will never see the light of day again when I get back home.

later, but I did get this. A disease in a jar! I call it the G-virus. Hope I don't break it.


Update Eight[]

I've discovered a new species of Tf2nimal. It's a Spy with entirely blue skin, and it walks on all fours. I caught one after it snatched my sandwich.

Anyway, I think it's over. For now. Less nightmares, the Tall Man is pretty absent, and no paranormal crap going on. I have a feeling it'll be back. Soon.

I've scanned some English pages of the book. Enjoy.

YOUHAVESOMETHINGTHATBELONGSTOUS[]

PLEASERETURNIT

Slender_Death_soundeffect_1_h_Version!

Slender Death soundeffect 1 h Version!

( X )

ME HOY MINOY[]

HELP

DOODLE BOB BAS BREACHED THE FACILITY

GTS6jrFy

( X )

HES MAKING DOODLE MINIONS TO ENSLAVE US

HELP

HELP 

404 help not found 

Update Nine[]

It's been two weeks since the Doodlebob incident. We've killed off most of the Doodle Minions. Doodlebob is currently in containment. 

Re3 The licker

Some artist depictions of the Lickers

Anyway, we went back to the wreckage of the Umbrella base. We found more samples of the G-virus, and what I like to call, the t-virus. There were also surviving subjects there. They killed one of our own, but we managed to contain them before they caused any major casualties. They're in the lab in our third research base, being studied. I call them; The Licker, and the Ooze.  

Starting to send out research teams. We've been sitting around and doing nothing lately, enjoying the view. We need to start conducting ze research. I'm arming them with australium-laced

Lady hunk 001 bmp jpgcopy

Some Ooze broke out. They're contained. Don't worry, hot girl's alive. Albeit mutilated.

kevlar vests, ceramic plates, and MP5 submachine guns. The current shit we've seen on this island are not friendly.

Also, I've compiled a list of what species we've discovered here:

  • The tall men
  • Possible Combine synths
  • Lickers
  • Ooze
  • Unnamed Spy tf2nimal
  • Doodlebob minions
  • Ichthyosaur

WHYAREYOUIGNORINGUS[]

FEEDUS

Makeuswhole

Makeuswhole

Update Ten[]

I didn't post that update. I suspect it's just a staff member dicking around. 

Anyway, Base #1 said that G-335 (the guy in the red armor) was human. He's still unconscious. They're keeping him alive with a metric fuckton of bacta and morphine. 

Thefutureisnow

Thefutureisnow

Didn't post that


Yesyoudid

Who are you?


fear

What?

SodonotfearforiamwithyoudonotbedismayedforIamyour.Iwill strengthenyouandhelpyouIwillupholdyouwithmyrighteousright hand

What do you want? How did you get that video?

youhavesomethingofours

​giveittousandyouwillbe​safe

What do you want?

Hello?

Hello?

Sub Update[]

Well, that was a few hours ago. It hasn't replied yet. That video spooked me. It could tear this operation down if They find it. Anyway, I heard an explosion a few miles away from camp and checked it out. Combine base, blown to pieces. Only survivors were a Combine "assassin", and a Vortigaunt that was converted to Over watch. He told me I needed to protect the assassin. She was special. The first successful conversion of a brainwashed soldier, to a soldier that has free will. I hesitated, these were my old enemies, but I realized they were humans (sorta) too. It just stood there, watching me. I dragged the female elite-lookin' thing out of there. She's still unconscious.

Edit: I posted the pics. Not a lot, my camera died.

Update Eleven[]

She's still unconscious. I have her in my bathtub, which is probably the safest place on this island. EDIT: Moved to a bullet proof glass tank.

I got a VHS tape on my desk today. Security camera footage was static, don't know who put it there. Got out my old player and slid it in, and got my camera.



Mysterious_tabe

Mysterious tabe




Someone is fucking with me.

Update Twelve []

Trying to communicate with *it* again. I need answers.

test one[]

Hello? You there?

Hello?

Hewwo? owo

test two[]

It's been three hours. Please?

Hello?

Hell fucking o?

What, you impatient little shit?

r00d

Also why the spacing all of a sudden

Because I'm not the only one

Who are the others?

how much are you willing to pay?

I still have a solid gold tooth from high school 

That'll do. Place it next to your trashcan

OK now what

Thanks.

Who are you? What do you people want?

Define "people".

Uh...people?

Wrong answer.

Hello?

HELLO?

HELLOOOOOO?

ITSBEENFOURWEEKS[]

YOUHAVENTRETURNEDITYET

YOUCAUSEDTHESEPEOPLETODIE

GORR'RYLAEHOTEPISANGRY

GORR'RYLAEHOTEPISANGRY

Test Three[]

Okay, what the fuck? Are you fucking with me? is this a prank? 

HELLO? I need answers, you fuckers, get the fuck up and stop masturbating to Justin Bieber and fucking talk to me! 

lol

No one died, right? 

lo l no one ppl dead

Proof, you sick fuck?

look in mailbox

Update thirteen[]

I've been gone for awhile. The footage with the Shrek mask is real. I called my friend from the BIBPD, he told me that's what they saw on the camera feed before it turned static.

Death

The newspaper had a newspaper. Pretty much self explanatory. 

I know it's real. It has to be. I've seen that...symbol in my dreams. I've been having more dreams. Why didn't I tell you? 

I'm going to find you. And I'm going to fucking kill you.

EDIT: Have the fucking book. That's the only thing I can think of that you want. Have the reichmarks, too. 

And fuck you.

Security Footage One[]

Hi, I'm Doctor Strips. Scoots gave me permission to edit this document. He's been gone for awhile, stuck in his room. There's a strong smell of cigarettes coming from his office, as well. And

Security_Log_1

Security Log 1

he keeps throwing whiskey bottles out the window.

He redacted the shit out of the above. I have to enter a passcode. Even for the introductory. What's going on, eh?

I came here to post some security footage we've been finding in the cameras. This is the first one. Taken in the storage area in Base #2.

Security Footage #2[]

Here's some more. This was taken behind the Warehouse in Base #3. 

Security_Log_2

Security Log 2

I found an image on Scoot's phone that looks like one of these. He left it in my office. Rip


Well waddya no[]

Thps fukrs gav me a foldr fild aith srng pcturs

lol go suk dik

 booty

WEBROKEHIM[]

HAHAHAHAAH

HE IS TURNING INTO ONE OF US

HE IS SATISFIED

Lol no I was doing no fap challenge and decided to get drunk to wash the pain of no fap away

oh shit waddup

Update Fourteen[]

I'm sober. Died twice of alcohol intoxication, but Shrek revived me with his ancient ways. Combine's still unconscious. I'm

IMG 20160822 214439

Lol my camera sux

asshurt because I sat on a knife.

I'm still hunting down that Shrek-masked murderer. She's on my list. Oh, and I found this note on my door. Sp00ky shit, mang.

Oh, and I'm letting Strips get access to this blog. He's the only one that I trust. 

They took the book. Left the cash. Goodie.

But I have six copies of that book hidden around the globe. Guess what? They can't find out where it is! I've been researching this shit, found out that they can get into your head. Make you talk. Make you forget. Well I made myself forget for you Seventeen shots of Class A amnesiacs, bitch! 

update fitenn[]

well that wensr a fud idea

in forgrtin ho enlis woks

am fodk

update sitxen[]

iv try to get memrirysz bak

am sukseedin, slole. I no rembr bok locatin, tho. gud, as me grndpa sey.

Update Seventeen[]

Whrw, I'm backs. Memory in takt. Still a litl rusty on the english, though. I'm highly fluint in Russian now, for some reason. Cyka blyat.

Cabt remember hebook, guess thats good. But I got another one, yay! I guess. On my doorstep. Security footage was severely distorted. This is what it says on the front:

HELLO. I AM FIREBRAND. I AM GIVING THIS BOOK TO HELP YOU SURVIVE THIS. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE HE TORMENTS.

FINISH THIS.

Book Analysis[]

So I opened it. Out of like, what, 100 pages? Only three weren't blank. Inside was a tape. I'll upload that later.  First page is titled "TIDBIT", here's what it reads:

HE IS NOT HUMAN. HE IS (scribbled out​). COMES FROM ANOTHER WORLD. THE FOURTH WORLD? THE ARK? NO ONE BUT THE COUNCIL KNOWS. HE WAS HERE BEFORE. THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. WATCHING. HUNTING. STUDYING. HE WAS BANISHED FROM HIS HOMEWORLD AND SENT ONTO EARTH, FOR CRIMES OF UNKNOWN NATURE. HE IS STILL FEARED ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. 

HE WAS RECENTLY AWAKENED FROM HIS SLUMBER. DURING A CERTAIN RUN IN WITH THE NAZIS. HE IS ON EARTH AGAIN. HUNTING. SLAYING. ENSLAVING. 

HE CAN NEVER BESTOP BE STOPPED. BUT HE CAN BE SLOWED DOWN. AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN.

Second page..."History".

Although slaughtering those Nazis that opened the portal, he appreciated their efforts. Humans killing humans? Perfect. He even gave them a gift, a weapon. Of his own species. 

​He did alot after that. Kate, the Collective, the High Order, the Speaker, the Order....But now a new chapter awakens. And It starts with you. You arrived on one of his save havens, one of his kingdoms. And now he wishes to make you run. Or kill you. But you have to make HIM run. He is the one feeding to the factions of this island, enslaving them, forcing them to do his dirty work, tricking them into killing each other...

Drive him out. Drive him out and save everyone here. Then leave. And never return.

I'll get three up soon.   

EDIT: So I've put all my Gorr'Rylaehotep stuff in a suitcase under my bed. Pictures, tapes, etc. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep all of it after this.

Update One: Dr Strips[]

ok ive read all of the above

ilabi

FIREBRAND[]

IGNOREHIMHEISLYING

Update Eighteen []

Was going into the woods. Not a good idea, I know, but I wanted to find that blue spy tf2nimal again. Guessssssss whaaaattttttt? Creepy guy in a mask in the woods. That tried to murder me. With a knife.

I think he's one of those proxy guys Firebrand wrote about in the book (haven't posted yet lol rip). 

Dead-by-daylight 007






Update Nineteen[]

I've found an article about this High Order in my...."book". Most of it's burned. It's cryptic as hell, but from what I've salvaged, they're higher ups to this Gorr' guy.  

YOURJOURNEY []

TOTHEOTHERREALM

whats been going on[]

The bastard took me to his fucking playground. Where he takes his other fucking victims. People tried to kill me. I killed them. It was like the fucking Walking Dead. I also saw....a walking letter.

I had my camera with me. He had the manners to let me have it. I'll get around to posting the images. I've know realise how much I'm fucked.

He's a level six, at-fucking-least, he can teleport, make people fucking HOVER, he can make people insane, control people, enslave people, and he HAS HIS OWN FUCKING DIMENSION

ALSO HE GAVE ME A FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER WHERE I SAY FUCK ALOT

FUCK

A LOATHSOME ENTITY HAS AN OFFER[]

DSCF8239

YOU'RE REACHING THE BOILING POINT KID

;)







update 20[]

Ayyy m8s so I met shrek yesterday and he slapped me in the bum and I waz veerriii confuzd so ay poopd in es eybalz nd he was laik "wat"

Anywho, I found dis Gorr'Rylaehotep goi on mah doorstep askin' for drugs. I was laik "ayyy lma-no" and ay projectile pooped roight in his focie and he ron to da hills

Me- 1 slender- 0   

Update 21[]

I haven't updated in a while. Lots of shit went down. I was contacted by this guy named "HABIT", he said he could help me. He didnt fucking help me, in short. Research on this island hasnt been halted yet. We're so busy with the samples we have already, and we havent even moved closer into the island. We need to call for back up, this shit is getting crazy. I'm tempted to ask Grantfare or even the Foundation, but.... I'll update later. 

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